*

(This chapter is part of a self-assessment. For instructions on completing it, click here.)

[ ]   I usually see control as a solution, not a problem.                                           

[ ]   I overreact to situations I cannot control.                                                      

[ ]   I often complain – aloud or to myself — about my current situation.

[ ]   I often find other people frustrating or disappointing.                                               

[ ]   I seem to need control in order to feel calm or safe.                                                 

[ ]   I often feel restless or unsafe.    

NEXT: About controlling    

Learning is never

what one expects.

~ Carlos Casteneda 

What follows is a series of 220 questions meant to raise your awareness of the role control plays in your life.

Subdivided by topic, they are based on the idea that the urge to control lies behind more of what we think, feel, say and do than we normally realize.

This is not a formal assessment. 

There is no scoring, just some boxes to check.

Check the box at the left if you agree with the statement.

If you’re not sure, circle the box and come back to it later.

Take your time with this.

No, really.

Go away and come back to it, if you need to.

You may be surprised by what you see when you look in this mirror. 

At least that’s what we’re hoping for.

How not to use this mirror

As noted earlier, adult children tend to judge themselves without mercy.

Do not use this self-assessment for that purpose.

Do not count the boxes you check and then decide that number means you are somehow broken.

Nor is this a moral inventory, or a measure of your worth as a person.

You are forbidden from using it as one more hammer with which to beat yourself up

This mirror is meant to increase awareness, clarify patterns, stimulate curiosity, and provide reassurance.

Why reassurance?

Because if, without knowing you at all, the mirror can accurately describe some of your personal experience, maybe you’re not so unique after all. 

Maybe you’re not as alone as you feel.