.

The difference between

a dragon

and a problem

is as follows:

.

We are able to see

problems as problems

— things external,

things outside us,

things out in the world

that somehow hurt us.

.

But when we take

inappropriate

responsibility

for a problem —

convince ourselves

This is my fault —

then it becomes

a dragon.

.

Thus every dragon

is hatched from

a misunderstanding

of what’s hurting us.

.

And then, instead of

applying attention

and energy

and courage

to solving

the problem,

we invite the dragon

to chew on us.

.

And it does.

.

Often for a lifetime.

.

And the

chewing

distracts us

from ever

solving

the problem.

I have a theory I’d like to share with you.

It’s about dragons.

Everyone has one.

Your dragon is the central problem of your life.

It creates most of the pain, fear and confusion you carry.

It also defines you, creates your identity.

You spend most of your time, energy and courage fighting this dragon.

Often without realizing it.

Often mistaking the dragon for some flaw in yourself.

But it’s not you.

It’s your dragon.

Everyone has one.

Everyone.

There is no shame in this.

In fact, recognizing your dragon is an important step toward awareness and healing.

Also a form of self-validation.

Instead of thinking of yourself as weak or inadequate or broken, you tell yourself,

This is difficult because this is my dragon.

Everyone has a dragon.

As a therapist, I know this to be true.

Dragons are what bring people into therapy.

Though they usually don’t recognize this at the time.

The first session with a new client usually introduces me to their dragon.

Sometimes it’s how they were parented.

Sometimes it’s the dysfunctional environment they survived as a child.

Sometimes it’s the aftereffects of some trauma or abuse.

Sometimes it’s an addiction.

Sometimes a chronic illness.

Sometimes a devastating relationship failure.

What all dragons have in common is that, initially, we can’t see them as dragons.

We can experience them only as flaws in our self.

There must be something wrong with me, we think, for me to feel this bad.

No.

You feel bad because you’re being chewed on by a dragon.

And the proper response is not guilt or shame or self-blame.

That only makes you weaker.

The proper response is to pick up a sword and fight back.