June 2, 2014
Loop
Control addiction creates a sort of feedback loop between internals (feelings, especially) and externals (mainly other people).
For example, let’s say I try to control you (make you like me) by controlling my feelings (hiding my anger).
But at the same time I’m trying to control my feelings (feel connected, or like myself) by controlling you (make you like me).
So one feeds into the other. Endlessly.
Thus I end up enmeshed with my environment, unable to tell where I end and everyone else begins.
And at any given moment it’s hard to tell what my real priority is.
Am I controlling my feelings as a way to control you? Or am I controlling you as a way of controlling my feelings?
Hmm.
No wonder we control junkies tend to feel, well…
Loopy.
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