We control addicts are terribly confused about boundaries.

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We confuse externals (people, places and things) with internals (our own thoughts, feelings and behavior).

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We compulsively try to rearrange external reality — bits and pieces of the world around us — in order to feel certain ways (safe, accepted, loved, contented) and not feel other ways (scared, frustrated, rejected, lonely).

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We do this so much we forget our real goal is an emotional one, not the rearranging itself.

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But the real goal of all controlling is to control internal reality — feelings.

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And that’s a goal you can reach by means other than editing externals.

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Which is good to know.

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Since external control is (as elections and terrorists like to remind us) so often impossible…

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It’s nice to remember that it’s not always necessary.