Chapter 14: Wounds

One defends oneself or seeks advantage

by misrepresenting oneself. One doesn’t

think about it; it happens instantly,

automatically, inalienably. It is not

possible to abstain. One cannot be

oneself. To be human is to be false. 

  ~ Allen Wheelis 

Here’s where the idea of wounding comes in.

The inner Kid is the part of us that gets driven underground by socialization – the process of being trained to live with other people.

It’s the part that starts getting burdened with do’s and don’ts even before it has language.

It’s the part that gets told

Don’t pee in your pants, use the bathroom,

and

No cookies, it’s almost dinnertime,

and

Get up, it’s time for school,

and

Quiet down, you’ll wake your father,

and

Kiss Aunt Edna, she’d love it,

and

Don’t you take that tone with me,

and

Don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about,

and

Why can’t you be more like your big sister?

And so on.

Socialization is necessary, of course.  We all have to adapt to our environment in order to survive.

But the process of socialization inevitably creates psychological and emotional wounds.

It basically splits us into two parts: a public part and a private part. 

Or more accurately, an adapted part and an authentic part.

This self-splitting is called neurosis, and it’s inescapable.

Jungian analyst James Hollis writes,

Freud succinctly observed that the price of civilization is neurosis. The demands of society, beginning with one’s family of origin, split off psychic contents and the shadow lengthens.    

None of us survives childhood without some splitting.

Which means that none of us survives childhood without accumulating unexpressed feelings, unmet needs, unresolved conflicts, and unhealed wounds.

And none of us avoids carrying these wounds into adulthood.

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