(1) Define nice as “inoffensive to others,” and everything else as not nice.
(2) Believe you should always be nice.
(3) Go overboard doing nice things for other people.
(4) Never reject or express anger at anyone, no matter how badly they hurt you.
(5) Acknowledge negative feelings about yourself while suppressing negative feelings towards others.
(6) When problems arise in your relationship, assume you’re to blame.
(7) Convince yourself that if you stop being nice you will be ignored, rejected or somehow punished.
(8) Confuse guilt (the belief that you’re done something wrong) with anxiety (fear of another’s judgment or rejection).
(9) Use niceness to disguise what you really think and feel.
(10) Apologize automatically and unnecessarily.
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