x

The amateur dreads becoming

who she really is because she

fears that this new person will be

judged by others as “different.”

The tribe will declare us “weird”

or “queer” or “crazy.”

The tribe will reject us.

Here’s the truth:

the tribe doesn’t give a shit.

There is no tribe.

That gang or posse that we

imagine is sustaining us by

the bonds we share is in fact a

conglomeration of individuals

who are just as fucked up as

we are and just as terrified.

Each individual is so caught

up in his own bullshit that he

doesn’t have two seconds to

worry about yours or mine,

or to reject or diminish us

because of it.

When we truly understand

that the tribe doesn’t give a

damn, we’re free.

There is no tribe, and there

never was.

Our lives are entirely

up to us.

~ Steven Pressfield, Turning Pro (2012)

x

x

There are three

kinds of men.

The ones that learn

by readin’.

The few who learn

by observation.

The rest of them

have to pee on

the electric fence

for themselves.

― Will Rogers

x

*

My definition of anxiety is

the gap between the now

and the later.

Whenever you leave the

sure basis of the now and

become preoccupied with

the future you experience

anxiety.

And if the future represents

a performance, then the

anxiety is nothing but

stage fright.

~ Fritz Perls

.

.

It’s no coincidence that people

who had angry parents often

end up choosing angry partners,

that those with alcoholic parents

are frequently drawn to partners

who drink quite a bit, or that those

who had withdrawn or critical

parents find themselves married

to spouses who are withdrawn

or critical

Why do people do this to themselves?

Because the pull toward that feeling

of “home” makes what they want as

adults hard to disentangle from

what they experienced as children.

They have an uncanny attraction to

people who share the chacteristics of

parents who in some way hurt them….

It’s not that people want to get hurt again.

It’s that they want to master a situation

in which they felt helpless as children.

~ Lori Gottlieb

 x

x

Why are Americans so hungry

for the approval of others?

The adjusted American lacks

self-approval; that is to say,

he has not developed a self-image

that he can believe is both

accurate and acceptable.

To do so he would require successful

techniques for creating an accurate

and acceptable self-image through

honest introspection, candid association,

and meaningful action.

The patterns to which he has adjusted

do not includes such techniques…

Half certain of his own inadequacy,

he attempts to present himself to

others in an appealing way.

When (or if) he has won their approval

he hopes that they will be able to

convince him that he is a better man

than he thinks he is.

~ Snell & Gail Putney,

The Adjusted American (1964)

*

If you can see your path

laid out in front of you

step by step,you know

it’s not your path.

Your own path you make

with every step you take.

That’s why it’s your path.

~ Joseph Campbell

*

.

There is something in

every one of you that

waits and listens for the

sound of the genuine in

yourself.

It is the only true guide

you will ever have.

And if you cannot hear it,

you will all of your life

spend your days on the

ends of strings that

somebody else pulls.

~ Howard Thurman

.

*

“I must say a word about fear.

It is life’s only true opponent.

Only fear can defeat life.

It is a clever, treacherous adversary,

how well I know.

It has no decency, respects no law

or convention, shows no mercy.

It goes for your weakest spot,

which it finds with unnerving ease.

It begins in your mind, always …

so you must fight hard to express it.

You must fight hard to shine the

light of words upon it.

Because if you don’t, if your fear

becomes a wordless darkness that

you avoid, perhaps even manage

to forget, you open yourself to further

attacks of fear because you never truly

fought the opponent who defeated you.”

~ Yann Martel, Life of Pi 

*

*

Letting go involves being

aware of a feeling, letting

it come up, staying with it,

and letting it run its course

without wanting to make it

different or do anything

about it….

The first step is to allow

yourself to have the feeling

without resisting it, venting

it, fearing it, condemning it,

or moralizing about it.

It means to drop judgment

and to see that it is just

a feeling….

Let go of wanting to resist

the feeling.

It is resistance that keeps

the feeling going.

~ David R. Hawkins.

     Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender

     (Hay House, 2012)

*

If you treat every

situation as a life

and death matter,

you’ll die

a lot of times.

~ Dean Smith

*

*

Anxious people (and we are

all anxious people) try to control

other people mainly by editing

themselves — hiding the parts

they think others won’t like.

Most importantly, they bury their

feelings instead of expressing them

That last sentence defines the heart

of anxiety.

That’s because feelings are — excuse

this analogy — like shit.

Like feces, feelings are supposed to

be expelled and expressed, not

hidden and buried.

When they’re buried, they don’t

go away; they collect.

The person then becomes

emotionally constipated,

lives in a constant state of

internal self-interruption,

pressure, and emotional pain.

Anxiety is the name we give

to this pain.

.

~ From “The anxious,” Chapter 24 of Monkeytraps: Why Everybody Tries to Control Everything and How We Can Stop (2015).

.

Neurotics are always trying to

change themselves by using

willpower, but this only serves

to make them more neurotic.

Emotional health can be gained

only through self-awareness and

self-acceptance.

Struggling to change one’s being

only enmeshes the person

more deeply in the fate

he is trying to avoid.

~ Alexander Lowen

.

.

In school, in the workplace,

in learning an art or sport,

we are taught to fear, hide,

or avoid mistakes.

But mistakes are of incalculable

value to us.

There is first the value of mistakes

as the raw material of learning.

If we don’t make mistakes,

we are unlikely to make

anything at all.

~ Stephen Nachmanovich