June 14, 2014
Dysrules
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A dysfunctional family is one whose members can’t get their emotional needs met.
It’s easy to create one.
Just follow a few simple rules:
1. Don’t talk about problems. It only makes everyone uncomfortable.
2. Don’t express feelings openly. Same reason. Why upset people?
3. Don’t communicate directly. Whenever possible, use another family member as a messenger. Children are especially useful for this.
4. Harbor unrealistic expectations of each other. Especially of kids, who’ll try their best to meet them anyway.
5. Don’t be selfish. Hide or minimize your own preferences, feelings and needs. Expect others to do the same.
6. “Do as I say, not as I do.” Demand honesty while remaining defended, for example. Or condemn substance abuse with a drink in your hand.
7. “It’s not okay to play.” Be serious all the time.
8. Don’t admit mistakes, limitations or weakness. Pretend that perfection is a reasonable goal.
9. Never apologize. It’s a sign of weakness. (See rule #8.)
10. Blame. It’s so much safer than responsibility.
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