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The Second Law of Control is Our addiction to control causes most (maybe all) of our emotional problems. Anxiety, depression, addictions, bad relationships, broken communication — all deeply rooted in attempts to control what either can’t or shouldn’t be controlled.
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Addiction is an attempt to control feelings, to change them or make them go away. So the wish for control is the mother of all addictions. And every addiction is an addiction to control.
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Everybody’s addicted to something. Tell me you’re not and I’ll just assume you’re lying to yourself about it.
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The First Law of Control is We are all addicted to controlling. We control constantly, compulsively, unconsciously, and even when doing it hurts us or people we care about. Which is exactly what it means to be addicted to anything.
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I can’t help but like someone who’s brave or honest (which amount to the same thing). I can’t help being bored by someone who’s neither.
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I’m two days into vacation, and it’s not going well.
When I try to rest I feel guilty. I’m at home, and I look around and see all the shit that needs to be done.
Then I try doing some of it and end up feeling angry. I mean, I’m supposed to be on vacation.
All of which reminds me of the Zen proverb:
Sitting,
just sit.
Walking,
just walk.
Above all,
don’t wobble.
Now, I know this. I know that when you’re not paying full attention you feel fragmented. That when you’re not where you are, you’re nowhere.
But knowing doesn’t help. Because I’m also like most people. I spent my life detached from reality, dwelling not in the moment but in tomorrow (What do I have to do? And when?) or yesterday (What did I forget?).
Like most people, I spend my life wobbling.
So hard to get in touch with here/now. To stop doing and just be.
I just installed a mindfulness bell on my computer which rings periodically to remind me to visit here/now.
Every time I hear it I get annoyed. (Monkey mind hates to be told to shut up.)
But then I stop what I’m doing, close my eyes, breathe in and out three times.
And for just a moment I enter the room I’m already in. I feel my body, and the air around it, and hear the sounds in that air, and I settle down a little bit, and feel a little less fragmented.
For just a moment, I’m unwobbly.
5 Comments | posted in addiction to control, anxiety and control, control, personal development, personal growth
