August 6, 2014

Diminishing returns

By Steve Hauptman

Certain emotional needs seem to be governed by a law of diminishing returns. The more I value comfort, for example, the less comfortable I tend to be.  The more I crave safety, the less likely I am to feel safe. The more I need to feel in control, the less in control I’m going to feel.  And the more desperately I chase after happiness, the further away happiness seems.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 6th, 2014 at 12:03 am and posted in control. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

2 responses to “Diminishing returns”

  • Clare Flourish's avatar Clare Flourish
    August 10th, 2014 at 2:25 pm

    And- the more I value intelligence, the more I kick myself for being unintelligent, perhaps the more sharp I stay. We do well at what we value, because of being driven.

    Reply
    • Steve Hauptman's avatar Steve Hauptman
      August 10th, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      Maybe so, but that’s not the point I was making. My experience is that in some areas of emotional life, drivenness — aka desperation — tends to be counterproductive, taking us further away from our goal. That sometimes less is more.

      I also think intelligence is one of those areas. Maybe self-abuse works differently for you. But I never found beating myself up made me smarter about anything. All it usually does is divert my energies into anxiety, self-consciousness and guilt.

      Reply

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