Rabbit hole

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down the rabbit hole:  a metaphor for adventure into the unknown. ~ Wikipedia

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So here we are, at the edge of the rabbit hole.

She’s not saying so, but she thinks her therapist is crazy.

I’m her therapist, and I’ve just suggested she try giving up control.

For a control addict the idea is unthinkable. It’s like I’m suggesting she let go of the life preserver that keeps her afloat.

Forget that controlling has never really worked for her.

Forget that the more she tries to control stuff the more anxious and desperate she feels.

Control, she’s convinced, is the solution, not the problem.

It takes most clients months, even years to move away from that idea.

But I’m undaunted, because I have an ally in this:

Reality.

Reality will teach her (if she lets it) what I already know: that

the more control you need, the less in control you tend to feel;

the more you try to control other people, the more you force them to control you back; 

and that

getting control in one place usually requires you to give it up in another.

Living a life based on these truths can be unnerving at first.

To do it takes courage, lots of trust in your therapist, and no small amount of trust in yourself.

But the luckiest addicts — those who can muster that courage and trust — get to enter the rabbit hole of recovery, and the adventure of a life beyond chasing control.