Chapter 32: Intimacy

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Adult children struggle with

intimate relationships.

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Intimacy means being able to be yourself with another person and allow them to do the same. 

It means dropping your defenses and surrendering control. 

My idea of hell.

Dropping defenses in a war zone feels suicidal and stupid.

Intimacy also requires a degree of self-acceptance I couldn’t even imagine.

Then too, intimacy requires faith — faith both in other people (I trust you not to hurt or betray me) and in me (I am basically lovable and can take care of myself).  

I never developed that kind of faith.

So intimacy scared the crap out of me. 

Showing my true self to another person felt like skydiving without a parachute. 

It was hard for me to imagine how anyone could do it.

Or, frankly, why they would want to. 

In this way I tried to manage what felt like an unbearable vulnerability.