Chapter 33: Change

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Adult children over-react to

changes beyond their control.

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I spent my childhood defending against situations that were confusing and scary. 

This left me experiencing the world of people, places and things as a dangerous place. 

And deciding that the only way to achieve a sense of internal safety was to control those external realities. 

A logical conclusion, maybe, but psychologically disastrous.

Since it left me hypersensitive to everything I couldn’t control. 

And since every life is filled with the unpredictable and the uncontrollable. 

So as long as I relied on control to feel secure or confident, my internal life felt not safe but fraught and chaotic. 

Which only convinced me that I needed still more control.

(This is the sort of conclusion a recovering addict would call stinking thinking.)

In short, I ended up seeking emotional safety in a way that kept me frightened of reality itself.