Because I’m scared.
Scared you won’t like me.
Scared you won’t accept me.
Scared you’ll reject me somehow.
So I do things for you so you’ll think
I’m considerate and kind.
Of course, kindess and people-pleasing
are two different things.
Kindness is a gift.
People-pleasing is manipulation.
And it seems to work.
When I do it, you smile and you thank me.
That feels nice.
I relax for a moment.
But the next time I feel rejectable,
I have to people-please again.
And again.
And again.
And after a while I don’t even realize I’m doing it.
I don’t even realize I have a choice.
Or that the way to escape this monkeytrap I’ve created
isn’t to become selfish.
It’s learning to tolerate the idea of disapproval.
And to practice being myself.
.
.
