…

…

I don’t believe in magical curses.

….

I do believe in psychological ones.

….

As they appear in therapy, psychological

curses are false beliefs absorbed in

childhood by a kid too innocent to

know better.

…

You’re stupid, his father tells him

over and over.  So he believes it. 

He may be bright as Einstein.  No

matter.  He’ll start to feel, think

and behave like a stupid person. 

Because that’s what dad told him

he is.

….

You’re lazy, his teacher tells her.

Try harder. You could do so much

better if you’d just try harder. So

she spends her life trying harder

and harder and harder.

…

There are many common curses.

….

The world is unsafe. 

…

People are not to be trusted. 

….

Relationships will disappoint you.  

…

I run into such curses every day.

…

They don’t always emerge immediately.

Usually I need to know someone for

a while before I spot the patterns of

thinking, feeling and behavior that

suggest they may be carrying a curse.

…

You’re not enough. 

…

You won’t succeed. 

…

You’re unlovable.  

…

These are among the most poisonous

curses of all.

…

How to lift such a curse?

…

Insight usually isn’t enough. 

…

That’s because insights (Ah, I see how

I came to believe that) usually come

to the Adult part of the personality.

….

And it’s the Kid part that’s been

cursed.

….

What the Kid requires is a corrective

emotional experience.

….

That’s an experience which directly

contradicts the false belief beneath

the curse.

….

And since curses are embedded in

a deep part of us, the contradictions

usually need to happen over and over.

.

The Kid who feels unsafe needs to

repeatedly experience safe relationships. 

…

The Kid who feels inadequate needs

repeated experiences of being accepted

as-is.

…

And the Kid who feels unlovable needs

to feel unconditionally loved, not just

once, but over and over.

….

Of course, therapy with the right therapist

can provide some of these corrective

experiences.

….

But I think real recovery from a cursed

childhood requires that we seek out, or

create, such experiences in the real world.

…

Because without them it’s hard for the Kid

to unlearn the lies he or she absorbed in

childhood.

…

And because. without them, a curse can last

a lifetime.

* * *

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