Chapter 34: Approval

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Adult children constantly seek

approval and affirmation.

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Every child needs large helpings of four emotional foods: attention, acceptance, approval and affection. 

These foods are the basic components of love. 

Kids who get enough of them grow up feeling loved and lovable. 

Kids who don’t grow up emotionally hungry. 

I grew up hungry, and then as an adult my hunger drove me to seek feeding in the form of approval and validation. 

Unfortunately, I usually sought it in self-defeating ways. 

For example, since I felt unlovable, I felt unworthy of emotional feeding. 

So instead of showing others my true self I hid the parts of me I thought they’d reject. 

I tried to fool them into loving me. 

Which, of course, never worked. 

Since whatever love or approval I did extract felt meaningless.

Since I had to lie to get it. 

So I remained hungry for approval and affirmation, and compelled to seek them again and again. 

Trying to manipulate others into feeding me kept me from ever feeling adequately fed.