So I have an Inner Monkey
inside me.
Yes. Everyone does.
Where does he come from?
He’s built in. He was there when
you were born.
I was addicted to control at birth?
No, Monkey starts out just as
a potential. He gets activated later,
when you begin to experience
discomfort and pain.
What happens then?
He goes to work, distinguishing.
Distinguishing what from what?
Distinguishing stuff he can tolerate
from the uncomfortable stuff
he needs to control.
So he’s trying to defend me
against discomfort.
Exactly. Defense is his business.
But isn’t that a good thing?
Sure, to a point. But Monkey’s
an addict.
Which means?
Which means he can’t handle
feelings. So he doesn’t know
when to stop.
Stop controlling.
Right. He tries to control stuff
he either can’t or shouldn’t
control.
Such as?
Other people, mainly. But
everything that happens in
your emotional life.
See, that’s where you lose me.
How so?
I get that controlling other
people causes problems. But
how can anyone not try
to control his emotional life?
I agree. We all need some sense of
control over our feelings. We’d
go insane otherwise.
That’s what I thought.
But if some controlling is
essential, too much is dangerous.
And Monkey tries to control
everything. Which causes more
pain that it prevents.
Pain, as in…
Anxiety, for one thing. Monkey-
driven people almost never feel
safe.
Because…
Because Monkey can always
find something to be scared of.
If it’s not real, he’ll imagine it.
And the imagining itself feeds
his anxiety.
So he has the right goal,
but the wrong method.
Let’s say he’s limited.
Controlling is the only way
he knows to regulate how
he feels. So he’s controlled
by his need to control.
Have you ever heard the saying
“When the only tool you have
is a hammer, everything looks
like a nail”?
That’s Monkey all over.
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