Why can’t I stop worrying?

Because worrying keeps me safe.

Keeps me alert and on guard.

So life can’t surprise me.

So I’m always prepared.

At least that’s what I thought.

Forewarned is forearmed, I thought.

I decided this when I was a kid.

Back when life felt unpredictable and scary.

When I wasn’t sure what they would say or do next.

So I began forewarning myself.

It felt necessary.

Like the smart thing to do.

The safe thing.

But now I’m not so sure.

Forewarning takes energy.

Lots of energy.

So now I’m tired all the time.

Tired of solving imaginary problems.

And of preparing for battles that never come.

Tired of fighting a war that never ends.

So tired that lately I began wondering

what would happen if I stopped.

If I relaxed.

Took off my helmet.

Just waited to see what happens.

If, as a sort of experiment, I took the risk

of declaring peace.