8

No one ever told her it was okay

to make mistakes.

No one told her there was nothing

wrong with needing help.

No one told her it was normal to

feel upset, or angry, or overwhelmed

now and then.

Everyone in her life took her

perfectionism for granted and didn’t

realize how suffocating it was.

And because no one gave the young

woman permission to be human,

she thought she was a failure

for being one.

~ Chris Colfer, Worlds Collide

*

*

*

We don’t stop playing

because we grow old.

We grow old because

we stop playing.

~ George Bernard Shaw

*

*

You watch and love and

live with people and you

are witness to what

happens to them.

You observe — with young

eyes — how they respond

to loss, to betrayal, to fear.

It’s the only way you’ve

seen to do these things,

so it becomes the means

by which you operate.

It takes living — and

making many, many

mistakes — to

understand that there

are other ways.

*

~ Arthur Miller

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*

*

It is not easy to find

happiness in ourselves,

and it is not possible

to find it elsewhere.

~ Agnes Repplier

*

*xxx

It’s easy to judge.

It’s more difficult

to understand.

Understanding requires

compassion, patience, and

a willingness to believe that

good hearts sometimes

choose poor methods.

Through judging, we

separate.

Through understanding,

we grow.

~ Doe Zantamata

xxx

*

*

There a thing called triangulation

that happens in families.

When two members don’t

communicate well, a triangle

forms with a third person

who absorbs the anxiety and

stress from the strained

relationship.

Realizing that you’ve been

that third person can be

really enlightening.

*

~ Jessica Dore

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*

*

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Never apologize for showing

your feelings. 

When you do, you are

apologizing for the truth. ⁠

~ Benjamin Disraeli

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*

*

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There is no problem so big,

so scary or so confusing

that it can’t be ignored.

~ Steve Hauptman

xx

*

In pursuit of our illusions

we set up unreal goals —

that is, goals which if achieved

would, we believe, automatically

set us free, restore our right to

self-expression, and make us

capable of loving.

What is unreal is not the goal

but the reward that is supposed

to follow from its achievement. 

Among the goals so many of us

pursue relentlessly are wealth,

success and fame.

In our culture there is a mystique

about being rich.  We divide people

into the “have” and the “have-nots.”

We believe the rich are privileged in

that they have the means to fulfill

their desires and therefore to realize

themselves.

Unfortunately for many people it

doesn’t work out that way.

The rich, as well as the poor,

get depressed.

No amount of money can provide

the inner satisfaction that alone

makes life worth living.

In most cases the drive to gain

wealth diverts energy from

activities that are more creative

and self-expressive, resulting in

an impoverishment of the spirit.

x

~ Alexander Lowen, Depression and the Body (1972)

x

x

Loss of feelings is the male wound

most obvious to therapists.

Most men arrive in my office unable

even to identify what they feel,

much less express it.

But they don’t come to therapy

for help with feelings. 

They come the way you go to a

dentist when a toothache gets

intolerable.

Their symptoms — anxiety, depression,

addictions, ruined relationships,

chronic anger, a pervasive sense of

despair or bewilderment — have simply

become too painful to bear.

And then there are other problems 

that flow from the same wound:

•  American men, on average, live

for five years less than women do.

• They have twice as many vehicle

accidents, twice as many fatal heart

attacks, three times as many deaths

from injuries, twice the deaths from

liver disease.

•  Over 90 percent of convicted acts

of violence are perpetrated by men,

and men account for over 70 percent

of the victims.

•  Over 90 percent of prison inmates

are male.

•  In schools, 90 percent of kids with

behavior problems are boys, as are

more than 80 percent of kids with

learning problems.

• Men and boys commit suicide at

five times the rate of girls

and women.

~ From “The Feeling Wound,” Chapter 3 of The Four Wounds of Men by Steve Hauptman

x

sometimes
i love you means
i want to love you

sometimes
i love you means
i’ll stay a little while longer

sometimes
i love you means
i’m not sure how to leave

sometimes
i love you means
i have nowhere else to go

x

~ Rupi Kaur

x

x

The amateur dreads becoming

who she really is because she

fears that this new person will be

judged by others as “different.”

The tribe will declare us “weird”

or “queer” or “crazy.”

The tribe will reject us.

Here’s the truth:

the tribe doesn’t give a shit.

There is no tribe.

That gang or posse that we

imagine is sustaining us by

the bonds we share is in fact a

conglomeration of individuals

who are just as fucked up as

we are and just as terrified.

Each individual is so caught

up in his own bullshit that he

doesn’t have two seconds to

worry about yours or mine,

or to reject or diminish us

because of it.

When we truly understand

that the tribe doesn’t give a

damn, we’re free.

There is no tribe, and there

never was.

Our lives are entirely

up to us.

~ Steven Pressfield, Turning Pro (2012)

x

x

There are three

kinds of men.

The ones that learn

by readin’.

The few who learn

by observation.

The rest of them

have to pee on

the electric fence

for themselves.

― Will Rogers

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